Hate V.S. God's Love...

I know what it is to hate someone. I have hated various people in my life. The one I hated the most was my ex. When you have been cheated on and left, with no control or way to stop what is happening, you get angry, you hate. I hated her. I wanted her to die. I wanted to kill her and her man with my bare hands, and believe me when I say I could of done it. I am so glad that God is big enough to listen to stuff like that... That hate ate away at my insides like caustic acid. I put on a fairly good show when I was going through that mess but there is a lot I never showed... That pain, that hate, it damaged my relationship with God big time and just the last little while have I even begun coming back from all the damage that hate inflicted on me. I felt there was nothing left to live for. Satan got me off by myself in a corner, a prison built of hate, and anger, and discouragement I had built for myself and just put the boots to me, curbstomping me at every turn. I just lost the whole point to life. I tried to kill the pain, even thought of suicide... but the pain of the thought of my grieving mother, what it would do to the ones I loved stopped me. I could not put them through something like that when it was not their fault. They did not deserve the pain, anger and hate that I was living for and that is exactly what would of happened, it would of all transferred to them. Instead of being mine, it would now of become theirs. I could not do that to them. So I drank to kill the pain when no one was around, I tried to numb the pain and the hate inside me. It was only temporary. I had to get refocused.

I know I was going to church, going to work, and there are times that were real. But there was times that I was just an angry, hateful person putting on a very good persona. I am not proud of this. But I did it to survive. It was the only thing I knew how to get on with what I perceived to be life. Inside I was Jeckel and Hyde at least 60% of the time. I honestly don't ever think we will be rid of Jeckel, the old man. But at least I know I am on the right track now.

You know what really turned me around? God got me looking through His eyes instead of my own. I was looking inward, everything was My hurt, My anger, My hate, I had a reason to hate right, look at what had happened to me. It was right because I made it right. That did not mean that it was God. I justified my hate that because my ex committed adultery I had a Reason to hate her. God said Hate sin so I hated my ex with all I was worth. That is where I went wrong. I Hated the sinner WITH the sin. I hated her and what she did to me and after all I was right, right? NO.

On the way back from Winnipeg when God said to me, would you rather have her back, or have her in my kingdom, having her back with blood on my hands or having her in heaven, I wrestled with God on that soooo much. It took most of the trip to come to terms with that. What would you rather have? What would you know GOD would rather have? And if you want to follow God where does that leave you? If you say that you love God as much as you do, there is ONLY one choice. This is what I had to deal with. I conceded to God I would rather have my ex in heaven.

This is what God said to me regarding hating people...

In spite of all the pain doled out upon you by the one you hate, they are still MY CHILD. I CREATED them, and only I have the right to hate or love. If you are truly my child you must love them for no other reason than I have made them and the are mine, therefore you are to love them the way I love them and no Less. Even the drunk laying in the gutter with vomit all over him is still MADE IN MY IMAGE. Who are you to hate what I Love? I told you to Love your enemies, I commanded it for this very reason. You have no choice in who to love or hate. I have told you to love All. If you cannot love the least of these in my kingdom, how can you love ME? You see through the eyes of hate, anger and disappointment. I see through the eyes of Love, peace and Restoration. Why do you think I made Hosea marry Gomer, a prostitute who constantly was running around breaking his heart, Consider the anger and hate he bore, yet was without sin. You don't think he had some questions for ME? But that was to demonstrate My love for Israel how Israel constantly turned away from MY love to go to other Gods, as an adulterer goes to other men. There was a purpose in it.

There is a purpose with every relationship you are in. And just because YOU don't see it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. That is not your call. It is God's. You are to love your enemies, love those that spitefully misuse you. You are to turn the other cheek, be the example of God's love, even if she does not. You are to be the High Priest in your house, the one in tune with God when all others are not. This is not my job description. It is God's. Is it fun? Well no... but when you are under that covering, you are under God, and that is exactly where you are supposed to be. You must see people with the eyes of God, not yours. When they lash out, you must see it for what it is. Satan is testing your relationships, and every time you concede ground you give him that territory. Satan is slowly grinding away at you like a knife on a wheel, and unless you move from hate to love, God's love, an action not a feeling, and choose love instead of hate, every time you clash with others, Satan is trying to grind you down to nothing. Don't give him the satisfaction. You are a child of God, the son of the Most High, Seated in the Heavenlies, RIGHT NOW, beside God, You are HIS SON (Daughter). He is well pleased with you because of who you are, not what you do, Hate will rot you out from your insides and will wreck your relationship with God. You know as well as I do that He says, if you cannot love your brother (or sister) who you see on earth, how can you love ME? or what about when God says if you cannot forgive how can I forgive you?

Broken relationship on this earth between people breaks relationship with God as well. Why do you think we need communion? Why the need to get right with our brothers and sisters before we have communion together? Because it is impossible to have a pure relationship with God when we are hating someone on earth. To some extent it will damage our relationship with God, it has to, because we are not where we should be with the people around us. What comes around, goes around, yes brother, but it also goes the same way for hate. You sow hate, you will reap hate. You sow unforgiveness it will reap unforgiveness. That means that you must learn to sow love, peace, and restoration, and you will sow the same. How can you finish right if you start wrong? You must always remember, it is not her you have to worry about when you stand in front of the Most High God. It is you and your actions.

Life is not easy. That is why Jesus called this life our Cross. He never said it would be easy but He would give us peace and joy for the journey if we followed Him. We are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses who are cheering us on brother, people who have endured so much more than we have. They call to us to finish the race well. People who had their own personal Hell's to deal with. Off the top of my head:

Corrie Ten Boom - watched the demise of her sister living in a Nazi death camp, living with people she could of easily hated, but instead loved because God loved them and sought to share God's love with all in that camp instead of hate.

Christians during Nero's reign... where do you think the gospel would of gone if it just stayed in Rome as Christians stayed in catacombs hating the Romans for turning them into candle sticks and feeding them to the lions?

If anyone had a reason to hate, Joseph for what his brothers had done to him, selling him to egypt and then going to jail falsely accused because of his master's wife. Now there's a reason to be bitter... but look at where he ended up....

A man I personally knew in P.A. Max security prison who was daily beat for his faith but persevered and turned to God daily for strength even though he has no chance of parole, ever, with no need to turn to religion to get out, because he never will, and to love the men who beat him mercilessly and end up leading them to Christ. There is a man with a chance to hate. But chose love instead.

There are many, many others, Paul had been beaten and left for dead many times, the scars he refers to on his body, does he hate the ones who did that to him? No, he loves them and prays for them. Stephen praying for those who stoned him...

Take a good read of any of the people in Fox's book of martyrs... did they wonder why God had them where they were? You bet they had doubts... but they did not love their lives (themselves) unto death because they saw there was a greater purpose when they saw through they eyes of Christ. They saw LOVE not hate... brother, you must go to the Love. God is Love and there is only one thing to cast out that kind of hate is God's kind of Love. Perfect Love casts out fear, but it also casts out Hate my brother. You must stop looking at people with earthly eyes, but with heavenly eyes... not what they are right now, but who they are in the heavenlies to God, and what they might become if they had love sown into their lives.

I know that stepping out and loving is a huge risk, but Look at the risk Christ paid for us... He lost His LIFE. Anything less than that is mercy and grace. I am convinced, the only way to turn your relationships around is to stop sowing hate and start sowing love. No matter how hard that sounds and it probably sounds huge... I remember me calling forgiveness towards my ex a "Mountain". You really want to know who took me over that mountain? You already know. It wasn't me. It was God. Him and Him alone, through forgiveness and His love.

I am not saying this is easy, and the last thing I want to do is give out pat answers, but I want to encourage that with God ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. Even though some of your relationships look like a write offs, God sees it differently. He has you there for a reason. The fact that you are still there here through all you have gone through is a testament to his mercy and grace. If you checked out (in a bad way) or left now, all the ground and the testimony of God's work in your life would be bragging rights for Satan. I am reminded of two songs by Casting Crowns, if you haven't listened to them I encourage you to. I have to tell you, at my lowest point worship music was the only thing, Like Saul when David played for him, that calmed my soul and made me feel like I was near God. I encourage you to fill your ears with worship, you need God's truth saturating your soul, maybe even some time to cry, to let out the pain.

If I Was Jesus

If I Was Jesus, I'd have some real long hair
 A robe and some sandals, is exactly what I'd wear
 I'd be the guy at the party, turnin' water to wine
 Yeah me and my disciples, we'd have a real good time.

 Ooh and I'd lay my life down for you (woooooh)
 And I show you who's the boss (woooooh)
 I'd forgive you and adore you
While I was hangin' on your cross

 If I Was Jesus. I'd have some friends that were poor
 I'd run around with the wrong crowd, man I'd never be bored
 Then I'd heal me a blind man, get myself crucified
 By politicians and preachers, who got somethin' to hide.
 
 Ooh and I'd lay my life down for you (woooooh)
 And I show you who's the boss (woooooh)
 I'd forgive you and adore you
While I was hangin' on your cross

 If I Was Jesus.

 If I Was Jesus, I'd come back from the dead
 And I'd walk on some water, just to mess with your head
 I know your dark little secrets, I'd look you right in the face
 And I'd tell you I love you, with Amazing Grace.

 Ooh and I'd lay my life down for you (woooooh)
 And I show you who's the boss (woooooh)
 I'd forgive you and adore you
 While I was hangin' on your cross
  If I Was Jesus.

 If I Was Jesus.