Choices...

Choices…

What I do when I hurt.

I have noticed an uneasy amount of “fluff” entries lately on my blog.

Yes, they are all mine, but none really shares my heart.

That is because I am not sure what is going on in my heart right now.


The Christmas season is upon us and I am numb.

I have gone to the Christmas parties, been moved by Christmas concerts and worship, but my heart appears to be numb to the whole Christmas thing right now.

I have listened to Christmas carols till I am blue in the face and feel quite “unable” to “get” into the “Christmas Spirit”

It may be that I am unable to get to “Christ” right now.

I do not know if this is some kind of emotional depression, or mental grieving.

I cannot seem to care about anything right now.

Just going through life is big enough.

I do know that my heart is vacillating between weeping and stone and I do not know why.

Well…I do in part.

I have come to realize through a very courageous and honest lady at my church:

walkingagain

That I am not properly grieving a few things in my life.

Mentally, Spiritually, and Emotionally

It is like a ton of garbage on my back, and my heart is breaking, melting, and solidifying into stone all at the same time.

I am numb.

I know all the theological arguments; I know what I should be doing, but seem to lack the capacity to do so.

It is like the wind has gone out of sails, and my ship has ceased to move. Without the wind I am unable to steer as the currents of life wash me in some unknown direction.

I see people with their trees up, doing things with their holidays, spending time with family, and as Christmas gets closer, I find myself more and more depressed.

It will be the first Christmas without my wife.

Remembering the loss of my friend Lisa.

I am not sure if I have completely grieved the first.

I know I have not grieved the last.


The angry injustice that binds my heart,

To let the dead fly free,

To know that I may return to them,

But they may not to me.


God this hurts, but again it doesn’t. What is wrong with me?

Why do I live my life in such extreme valleys and mountains?

Why no consistency in my life.

I see others who appear to be so constant in their spirituality.

I appear to be on some kind of roller coaster ride…

I have been up and down more times than the dollar.

Screwup-Repentence-Restoration-Screwup-Repentence-Restoration

Please let me off the merry go round please.

Just for a few rounds at least.

Seems every time I deal with something, God brings another to deal with right after.

Enough already! Give me a break.

God…I know you want my faith.

I know you want me refined.

But the material you are refining is vaporizing.

It is tired, it is beaten, it is done.


Did you know that with extreme pressure and heat that a lump of coal becomes a diamond?

Or that with extreme heat, gold can be purified, separating the impurities to the surface to be skimmed off leaving pure gold?

I used to work in a nickel smelter.

The rock from underground is crushed, superheated, melted with electrodes in a furnace that uses more power than most cities per day, and is liquefied into molten lava.

As the liquid is further heated, silica sand and quartz is added to bind with the impurities.

Nickel does not bind to silica sand and quartz.

Iron and everything else does.

The silica and quartz is lighter than the nickel and floats to the surface.

Continued heating and skimming off the silica and quartz with the impurities leaves mostly nickel content at the bottom.

But it is not finished there.

It is poured out into huge brick lined ladles hoisted by 60-ton cranes and poured into things called converters.

See the nickel at this stage still has sulfur in it, which naturally occurs in nickel deposits, but does not all float to the surface like other impurities.

Weird thing is this impurity purifies the nickel further.

As air is introduced into the lava, it reacts with the sulfur causing the sulfur to burn autogenously, that is to say, you do not have to add more heat to the lava, the sulfur mixing with the air causes the lava to heat up as you add more air to it.

The temperature of the lava is determined by the air, so the more air you add, the hotter it gets.

To refine nickel, you blast as much air into the lava as possible.

The nickel lava gets so hot that if it were not for the bricks inside the converter, the nickel lava would flow right through the steel, like water through a mesh, even though it is two full feet thick.

I have seen a furnace breached by lava. It flows like water and is deadly.

After the sulfur is expended and more silica and quartz is added for the final skim, the nickel is still only 98% pure.

The nickel is then poured out again into the 60-ton ladles and poured into the anode line ladle.

The nickel is then poured into anodes, flat sheets of nickel rock, 3 feet by 4 feet long.

These anodes then go over to the refinery where they are placed in acid and the nickel is drawn out of the anodes by electrical charge onto host plates where pure nickel accumulates.

These pure nickel plates are then removed and cleaned of acid and then are sent out.

All this to say, that my heart literally feels like it is in this process…

The pain of crushing, heating, melting, skimming, re-heating, re-skimming, poured out, re-heated, re-skimmed, re-heated, re-skimmed, poured out, charged, molecularized, and plated…

Sometimes I, as a nickel atom just want to say STOP!

Let me off this thing.

Get me the heck outta dodge.

Sianara, Arieve derchi, Hostalaweigo, Hostamanaro Moochachos, Bon Voyage, Happy Trails, Nice Knowing ya!…

I probably did not spell the exotic goodbyes of the above properly but you get the picture…

Seems that God is not content to leave us where we are.

This is both a good thing and a bad thing.

Good thing: Get closer to God, know Him better, build relationship with Him, Faith Trust….

Bad thing: Owch. Did I mention owch? Yeah. Pain. Brokenness, Heart smashed to bits, melted into liquid, refined…

It is interesting as I read this again, that air (interestingly pnuema is the greek word for Spirit where we get the word pneumatic or needing air) is both needed in the sails to make them fly and is needed in the refining process to make nickel…things that make you ago hmmm…

But this is the way God created it…whoever says Christianity is a crutch, is easy, and the opiate of the masses…should have their head examined.

They obviously ain’t been there.

A crutch isn’t supposed to be knocked out from underneath ya every few minutes to see if you will stand on your own two feet, if this is easy, then I ain’t doing something right, and if this is the opiate of the masses…let me get stoned rather than deal with this (I would love to be oblivious to life)

For obvious reasons, getting stoned is not really dealing with life, it is just a metaphor, but knowing the truth can be a burdensome thing.

You have to live it. You have to choose it.

In the movie The Matrix, the main character is given a choice to take the red pill or the blue pill. One would open him up to the truth, one would leave him in la-la land where he already was.

The central character of the film, Neo, is presented to us in the opening part of the film as a loner who is searching for a mysterious character called Morpheus (named after the Greek god of dreams and sleep).

Neo is also trying to discover the answer to the question "What is the Matrix?"

Morpheus contacts Neo just as the machines (posing as sinister 'agents') are trying to keep Neo from finding out any more. When Morpheus and Neo meet, Morpheus offers Neo two pills.

The red pill will answer the question "what is the Matrix?" (by removing him from it) and the blue pill simply for life to carry on as before.

As Neo reaches for the red pill Morpheus warns Neo "Remember, all I'm offering is the truth. Nothing more."

The film as a whole and especially the choosing scene is deeply compelling, why is the choice between what you believe you know and an unknown 'real' truth so fascinating? How could a choice possibly be made? On the one hand is everyone you love and everything that you have built you life upon, on the other hand the promise of truth.

The question then is not about pills, but what they stand for in these circumstances.

The question is asking us whether reality, truth, is worth pursuing.

The blue pill will leave us as we are, in a life consisting of habit, of things we believe we know.

The blue pill symbolises commuting to work every day, or brushing your teeth.

The red pill is an unknown.

We are told that it can help us to find the truth. We don't know what that truth is, or even that the pill will help us to find it.

The red pill symbolises risk, doubt and questioning. In order to answer the question, you have to gamble your whole life and world on a reality you have never even experienced yet.

However, in order to investigate which course of action to take we need to investigate why the choice is faced. Why should we even have to decide whether to pursue truth?

One answer in short, may be inquisitiveness.

Many people throughout human existence have questioned and enquired.

Most of them have not been scientists or doctors or philosophers, but simply ordinary people asking 'what if?' or 'why?'

Asking these questions ultimately leads us to a choice.

Do you continue to ask and investigate, or do you stop and never ask again? This in essence, is the question posed to Neo in the film.

Unfortunately, once you have experienced truth there is no going back to the lie.

Some days I wish that God was not the only path. But He is.

Some days, I wish I did not have to go through this all. But I do.

Some days I just wish I would of taken the blue pill…

Blessings -Moose

How it happened...a shameless plug / review

How it happened...a shameless plug.../...Review

Further down on my blog you will find an entry with a series of links to an awesome Christmas light show.

The band that plays the music is Trans-Siberian Orchestra. I have just discovered them myself.

I bought the their Cd called "The Lost Christmas Eve" that that song, "Wizards of Winter" is on.

The music is not your typical Christmas music. The rest of the album is interesting, some pieces stick out more than others, the interesting thing is a side story they tell along the story telling of Christmas, and what seems to me to be all the the right things of this season....

Not sure if they are Christian or not for all of you Secular v.s. Sacred purists, but a lot of the music has the right message, utilizing a mix of metal, jazz, blues, and various other styles...in a rock opera style...

This is actually one of a trilogy of their Christmas albums...

The album I really like in the trilogy has the song below off my last post. I love the entire album.
It is called "The Christmas Attic" and I actually like it better than "The Lost Christmas Eve"

Again, they mix up jazz, with metal, with full orchestration, Beethoven, Bach, and other classical christmas carols and pieces in ways you have never heard them before, and again a parallel story follows the music in rock operatic style as it proceeds through the album leading us through the various facets of Christmas.

I ordered both off Amazon.ca where you can hear the clips of the songs. I would encourage you to take a listen...

The third album in this trilogy is called "Christmas Eve and other Stories" which I am waiting for with anticipation.

Very cool music. I was blessed. Again, I do not know if these guys are Christians, but their music really spoke to me.

Here is the link to their website with all their lyrics and music:

http://www.trans-siberian.com

Here are the lyrics to two more songs that blessed me:

FIND OUR WAY HOME

Trans-Siberian Orchestra

He believed in the things

That he always thought he knew

And had done all the things

That he always wanted to do

Collecting

Each thing reflecting his worth

But now he pondered

How he had wandered this earth

For we all seem to give our lives away
Searching for things that we think we must own
Until on this evening
When the year is leaving
We all try to find our way home

He had time or at least then he
Always thought he did
And mistakes, well, he thought that time

Always would forgive
Each transgression
For his intention
Forgetting
Years he squandered
On things he now was regretting

For we all seem to give our lives away
Searching for things that we think we must own
Until on this evening
When the year is leaving
We all try to find our way home

For we all seem to give our lives away
Searching for things that we think we must own
But on this evening
When the year is leaving
I think I would be alright
If on this Christmas night
I could just find my way home

There is something about this night
That the Lord has arranged
That reaches deep into our souls
And causes us to want to change

And angels know things about us
That no else can know
And this Angel's heart it formed a plan
And then caused the night to snow

THE SNOW CAME DOWN

Trans-Siberian Orchestra

A railway station
On a long forgotten line
No destination
But it always leaves on time

He buys his ticket
As the train prepares to leave
Don't want to miss it
On this night Christmas Eve

He stared into the night no expectations
He watched the world go by without a sound
He saw the city lights arrive and fade away
While all that night
All that night
The snow came down

No conversation
As the snow fell from the sky
His consolation
That the world is well disguised

He stared into the night no expectations
He watched the world go by without a sound
He saw the city lights arrive and fade away
While all that night
All that night
The snow came down

He stared into the night, no expectations
But in his heart he wanted to believe
That somehow someone would be waiting there
Upon this Christmas Eve

And when his train it pulled into that station
He saw there was a single pair of tracks
Within the snow and leading to that
Station door
And he followed those steps back

And on this night of our salvation
Where dreams that have been lost
Can there be found
They walked away together
On that Christmas Eve
While all that night
All that night
The snow came down

In this last season of the year
This season that we trust
It's not only important to know for whom we wait
But to know who waits for us

And as they walked home together
To the light of Christmas trees
They could not help but wonder
About how this night came to be

While back inside the attic
The girl saw them walking through the snow
And she smiled with a child's delight
Thinking how they would never know

And suddenly she realized
Beneath this night of stars
Sometimes Christmas uses its own hands
And sometimes it uses ours

Blessings -Moose

The Three Kings and I - Trans-Siberian Orchestra

THE THREE KINGS AND I
(WHAT REALLY HAPPENED)

Tran-Siberian Orchestra
(The Christmas Attic)

O Holy night
The stars are brightly shining
It is the night of our dear savior's birth

Now you all heard the story about Bethlehem
How the child was born and the three wise men
Heard the preacher tell it like the preacher does
But let me tell you, children,
That's not how it was

Now you might ask me what I'm talking about
But I know the part that they all left out

Now do you hear what I said
That Herod wanted those wise men dead
But on that blessed evening
My great great great great great great granddad
He saved those kings

Now granddad made his living
Playing jazz you see
But jazz wasn't big around one A.D.
So he got himself a job in the palace band
Where he heard about three kings
In the desert sand

Let me tell you children that at any time
Three kings in the desert that's a real rare find

But Herod heard of it too
And when he heard his curiosity grew
So he asked those kings to drop by
And my great great great great great great
Granddad
He wondered why

So the Magi told old Herod
That they had come here
To find a newborn king of kings
Who'd heal our sins
Then herod told his guards
To follow those Magi
And that the only king around here
Was gonna' be him

Then he told his soldiers as I recall
When they found that child, to kill them all
But granddad overheard what Herod said
And he had to act fast or else they'd all be dead

So granddad got to those kings
Filled them in on the plan, told them everything
When they heard what he had in store
They grabbed the gold
The frankincense
The myrrh, the jewels
The desert tents
And when they found
His plan was sound
They followed granddad out the back door

And what a night
It must have been
But when God is on your side
You kinda' know that in the end
You're gonna win

They traveled fast
They traveled far
And in the end they found
That they were standing with the Child
Beneath the star

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

And so you see we've reached the end
Of our story
When granddad and the kings
Reached that stable on the hill
And while I said that
Three kings in the desert is a rare sight
Angels singing in the desert that's far rarer still

Now I ain't sayin' that the bible was wrong
But ya' see the whole tale
Would have taken too long
'Cause way back then in the promised land
Every copy they sold,
It had to be written by hand

And granddad lived a long life
Stayed friends with those kings
And found a good wife
And eventually I came along
But that my children
That my children
That's another song

The next letter included a receipt
For one toy stuffed bear
Donating it to a small thrift shop
But somehow it was left there

For attics have their secrets
And toys will have theirs, too
Like who once held or loved them
When they last were new

Whether they were made of metal
Or they were cotton stuffed
Or how they had been left here
When they were not enough

And so it's here that they must wait
Between reality and dream
Hoping all will be remembered
And that all can be redeemed

Then in the sound of the wind
Whistling through a door
She thought she heard the sound of children
That had held this toy before

And she then thought to herself
As she now held it in her hand
That no one could save all the world
But we should save who we can

So she placed it near her candle
For she had decided in her mind
That when she left this attic
He would not be left behind

Wheel in the Sky

Lyrics by Journey

Winter is here again oh lord,
Haven’t been home in a year or more
I hope she holds on a little longer

Sent a letter on a long summer day
Made of silver, not of clay
I’ve been runnin’ down this dusty road

(Chorus)
Wheel in the sky keeps on turnin’
I don’t know where I’ll be tomorrow
Wheel in the sky keeps on turnin’

I’ve been trying to make it home
Got to make it before too long
I can’t take this very much longer

I’m stranded in the sleet and rain
Don’t think I’m ever gonna make it home again

The mornin’ sun is risin’
It’s kissing the day

(chorus)
Wheel in the sky keeps on turnin’
I don’t know where I’ll be tomorrow
Wheel in the sky keeps on turnin’

So many things spoke to me through this song as I listened to it.

Winter is here again, looks to stay. Man I hate winter. I could settle for summer all year long...

If it just snowed on Christmas then melted away, I would be exuberant.

I can only pray that Global warming is a reality, I would love for where I live to become Florida :)

Ok..ok...I don't Really wish that...I know that global warming is causing things like Tsunamis, and what happened to Louisianna,

But I digress...

Oh yeah, the wheel in the sky...

Seems like I haven't been home in such a long time. I miss my family. They all live in the same little town and have most of their lives, I however have always had a restless heart and always longed for the big city amenities even though I really cannot stand living in a city. Dunno, never really felt there were ever many opportunities in my home town of Carrot River, Saskatchewan (which incidentally has no river nor carrots :) But I miss the people, my family, and every time I leave to come home it is that much more harder to leave.

Seems I have been running down this dusty road for a very long time.

But the morning sun keeps kissing the day, and with every sunrise, I know that God has given me one more day to do something with my life, and one more day closer to being who He has called me to be and more more day to be with my family both physical and spiritual.

I have been through so much sleet and rain in my life figuratively and physically and spiritually, and down so many desert, dusty roads, when I get home, on this earth, and in the next, even though I don't know where I will be tommorrow, I know that God does. This is what I was ultimately reminded of.

Yeah, its not a Christian song, but it reminded me of God. Kinda has a motorcycle riding feel to it. When the song takes off, I imagine my self taking off, shifting gears, the engine winding up...When it hits the chorus, I can just imagine cracking the throttle through turns...at one with the machine, feeling it respond to the lightest touch.

Those who ride will understand, those wo do not won't.

Mabey a part of me is still on the run. Even though this Mustang is in the corrall, my heart sometimes still feels wild and wants to run.

I don't know, I am the most free when I am blasting down the highway on my Harley, banging gears, leaning into turns, chasing the wind, breathing in the smells of nature, with a kalediscope of sky from horizon to horizon as my own personal art gallery, and life coursing through my veins.

Some of the most spiritual experiences I have ever had was on my Harley, running with others down the highways of life, the headlights bouncing in the pale moonlight, with a carpet of stars from horizon to horizon, on a warm summers night, with the wonderful drone of a V twin singing out its metallic song. The sound of straight pipes harmonizing to beautiful Harley music. Setting up camp to the headlight of a motorcycle, and going to sleep under the stars to the ping, ping, sounds of an old shovelhead cooling off in the dew filled night.

It is those times, that I am reminded that God is indeed good, and I am truly free.

Thanks for letting me bend your ear. Blessings -Moose

Curtain Call

Curtain Call

Tonite is our last night for our Annual Christmas Dessert Concert of the Heart.

This is an opportunity to bring in others who do not know God or who have not been to our church a chance to learn about Him and hear our churches' heart.

It is the first one I have sang in and most definitely the first time I have ever played a Jamba :)

Was so blessed last night to see how God moved very differently through the exact same set of music, dance, drama, and worship.

God met everyone exactly how each different audience's needs were. What an awesome God we serve!

Was nervous because I haven't sang in church for a very long time. I used to be a worship leader in a couple of churches but basically have been just soaking in God's Spirit, healing and learning.

This was the first time that I have stepped out like this in my church.

And God was there.

I noticed that every time we sang, (I sang two songs with my Bible Study group and once with my Junior Youth Group each seating) that the songs changed from us performing to us worshipping Him in Spirit and in Truth.

In short. God showed up. And it was amazing. Each act signified an aspect of God and His Word.

Eternity: The show started with a power point "Love Song" about God, His love, and His plan. Wow Christopher, great job bro!

Creation: Then I sang with my Transformations group God of Wonders. Awesome job guys! You guys are such a blessing!

Moses & Passover: Then Pastor's wife Wanda, Tanya (From our Transformations group), and Krista sang O Come, O Come, Emmanuel and Lo How a Rose E'er Blooming Accapella with accompaniment by Arianna and Janet! Incredible! A little bit of our Angelic host on Heaven guys!

Then there was a music video by Kelly (My accountability partner and freind from my Transformations group) from the Prince of Egypt. The song There can be miracles if you believe was powerful set against short clips from the movie especially the parting of the Red sea, and Moses meeting with God at the burning bush! Wow...gonna have to watch that movie again!

Then there was a short intermission, with of course, desserts.

Angel: Then Tanya (Transformations...again :) Sang a song called Who Would Imagine a King with a video of baby Jesus on the screen...Powerful that that little baby was born a King, of this earth and the next! What an incredible reminder!

Star: Then my man Jessie :) did a monologue as the Innkeeper watching the Wisemen show up and worship Jesus...wow...that was awesome! Jessie was one of my Junior youth last year and man he is growing in God! Good job little brother!

Birth of Jesus: This was followed by an incredible song by Aline and Jamie. How Mary felt being with Jesus, the handmaiden of the Lord, the immaculate conception. WOW...Aline and Jamie are wife and husband respectively and between them they made up a considerable Dianna Krall in style at least! The song was called The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face. It was simply amazing!

Then there was a question and answer time with the question how has God changed / affected your life. Man, I was blessed by the answers of our church. The testimonies of God's power were undeniable!

Light of the World: Next Dale, Andrew and myself got to do our song Joy the the World 60's rockin style with our Junior Youth. I played the Jamba and sang. Wow was that fun! Dale got ahold of these goofy Santa hats and the kids did actions / dancing to the song. What a Blast! I sure am proud of our Junior Youth they did a bang up job!

Crucifixion: Next Kevin, Tobi, and Corey did the Sticky chair routine drama short...man that was great. It started really funny and then got really serious as we ponder what Christ did for us. The chair was not supposed to be touched as it singnified sin, and as Tobi got more and more stuck to it, Corey kept reaching out to him. To the side Jesus was being crucified and as He died, Tobi was freed by praying with Corey...wow...what an awesome picture. The song this was done to was Jesus is still all right by DC talk...What a great Job guys!

As Corey and Tobi scoot off stage we were left to see Kevin as the crucified Christ, as the spotlight darkened on him,

God's Heart: Kelly and Lani were illuminated and started to sing Love Crucified Arose...what a powerful song. The words and the Title really hit me. Love Crucified Arose as in Jesus the embodiment of Love arose, and as Love Crucified a Rose, how God sent His Son, the Rose of Sharon to die for us. Incredible. Lani and Kelly are also husband and wife, and I was so blessed by their ministry.

The Church: Next was Lloanne, Aline, Stevie, Natasha, and Sonya who performed ballet dance to I Love the Lord...wow...that is all I have to say...that was the most incredible worship in dance I had ever seen...blew my mind.

Heaven: Our wonderful pastor then sang a song called This Little Child. Wow...I could not help but weep every time I heard this. The heart of God is so much in this song. As Pastor Terry sang the chorus the second time which goes "I Believe, and I wall always sing, this little child, Is a King, I Believe, and I will always sing, this little child is the King of Kings!" everyone involved in the concert stood up where ever they were and sang this chorus. What a powerful proclaimation. As we all stood and sang I felt in my Spirit a soaring and nearness of God that overpowered me. You could not have said you did not meet God if you were in that sanctuary...it was incredible!

At the end for conclusion and dismissal our transformations group sang Prince of Peace. Wow...that was amazing. We just worshipped...

After two sets of this last night, I basically floated home in God's Spirit, I got to hang with some incredible people from my church before I did, but wow...what a blessing. To say I had a good night is an understatement!

God is so Good! Well gotta go...having supper with my brother Chuck and going back to church tonite to let God do it all over again! Lord I am so Blessed! God Bless You. -Moose

Remember, however cliche it may sound, it is still truth : Jesus STILL IS the Reason for the Season!

So Encouraged

So Encouraged...

Today I had a pretty good day at work. Got lots done, but that was not what made it a good day. It was a good day because I felt no pain today.

I was so encouraged last night and tonite by God.

I have been going to practices for our annual Christmas Concerts of the Heart last couple nights.

There are a lot of incredible people there with a lot of talent. I am so blessed to be in such a church.

I am singing in 3 songs, one with our wonderful junior youth I help lead, and two songs with my Transformations Bible Study group.

As I saw and heard through the hearts of the people sharing, I was so blessed and encouraged by how much our people in our church love God and others.

You know, it almost seemed like the fellowship of doing something together as a church almost seemed to eclipse the concerts coming up.

It was so encouraging to feel the love one for another our church has.

Of course we are going to do our best for the concert, there are actually 3 of them, two on Friday, one on Saturday.

We are going to worship God with everything we do. Our focus is God.

And then...

After I went and met my brothers Joe, Darcy, and Ryan down at Joe Dogs, our favorite sports bar / restaurant.

Man the encouragement when brothers dwell together in unity!

It was such a blessing to hang with other brothers who can encourage and pray and share struggles openly with each other, to know that you are not alone, and be encouraged that God can meet all our needs.

Watching some good hockey on the big screen did not hurt either :)

I am amazed lately how God has shown up at our meetings and ministered to one another 's hearts.

To share one another's burdens, to not have to be perfect, being real and open with one another without condemnation but only love and encouragement is awesome.

So here I am, I am physically exhausted, but spiritually blessed. I basically floated home tonite in God's Spirit :)

And no it ain't the root beers, the chicken wings, nor the ice cream baseball mits taking :)

God is Good!

Bless yas. -Moose

Sometimes I feel so good, I gotta scream...

Sometimes I feel so good, I gotta scream...

I had a GREAT Day today. Sometimes a rare thing...

Thank God!

Was listening to one of my favorite bands, the Tragically Hip and they said it exactly how I felt it...

Their website is on my links if ya want to check them out.

Bless Yas -Moose

New Orleans is Sinking
Lyrics by the Tragically Hip

Bourbon blues on the street, loose and complete
Under skies all smokey blue-green
I can't forsake a dixie dead-shake
So we danced the sidewalk clean
My memory is muddy, what's this river that I'm in?
New Orleans is sinking man and I don't wanna swim

Colonel Tom, What's wrong? What's going on?
You can't tie yourself up for a deal
He said, "Hey north you're south shut your big mouth,
You gotta do what you feel is real"
Ain't got no picture postcards, ain't got no souvenirs
My baby, she don't know me when I'm thinking bout those years

Pale as a light bulb hanging on a wire
Sucking up to someone just to stoke the fire
Picking out the highlights of the scenery
Saw a little cloud that looked a little like me

I had my hands in the river
My feet back up on the banks
Looked up to the lord above
And said, "Hey man thanks"
Sometimes I feel so good, I gotta scream
She said Gordie baby I know exactly what you mean
She said, she said, I swear to god she said...
My memory is muddy what's this river that I'm in?
New Orleans is sinking man and I don't wanna swim

Hosea and Gomer - John Piper

Like Gomer, "dark harlotry" runs in our blood. But God's love cascades over our crude lives. He makes us his wife, "blood-bought and beautified by grace." John Piper's poem "Hosea and Gomer" declares the glorious truth that "the steadfast love of the Lord is better than life."

The old man and his wife sat by
The winter fire and looked out high
Above the plains of Ephraim,
And saw around the last regime
Of Israel the shadows snake
Their way from east to west and take
Possession of Samaria.
"How long until Assyria,'
They thought, "would break Hoshea's rod,
And violate the wife of God?"

But strange as it may seem, the doom
They saw across the land left room
For hope. And when they looked into
Each other's eyes, as they would do
At night, they knew, as none could know
But they, that God would bend his bow
Against the charms of foreign men,
And take his faithless wife again.
They knew it could and would be done,
As surely as the rising sun
Drives darkness back unerringly,
And drowns it in the western sea.
They knew, because they had rehearsed
The tragedy and played it first
Themselves with passion and deceit.

"It's true that life is far more sweet,"
Hosea thought, "when it is lost,
Then bought again at dreadful cost;
And love grows strong when it must wait,
And deep when it is almost hate."

Such things as these he often said
To Gomer as they watched the red
And crimson echoes of the sky
Descend Mount Tabor's cliffs and die
In darkness far below. And she
Would say to him, "Your love for me
Was like a mountain waterfall,
And I the jagged stone. Of all
The knives and hammers once applied
None made me smooth or clean. They tried,
But harlotry was in my blood,
Until your love became a flood
Cascading over my crude life
And kept me as your only wife."

They knew as none but they could know
What it would mean that long ago
The Lord allowed his love to swell,
And married faithless Israel.

The passing of the years now found
The children grown and gathered 'round
This night: Jezreel and Loammi,
Hosea's sons, and at his knee
Loruhamah. The room was sweet
With memories, and each replete
With pleasure and with ample pain.
Among the memories one main
Experience above the rest
Embraced them all. It was the best;
Indeed it was the mountain spring
Of every happy stream from which
The family ever drank, and rich
With hope. It was Hosea's love.
The children stood in wonder of
The way he loved, and Gomer too.
But this had not always been true.

Hosea used to say, "It's hard
To be a seer, and prophet bard.
The price is high when he must sing
A song of ruin over everything
In lyrics written with his life
And lose his children and his wife."

And so it was, Hosea heard
The Lord. It was the strangest word
A holy prophet ever got:
And every pointed precept shot
Like arrows at Hosea's life:
"Go take a harlot for your wife,"
Thus says the Lord, "And feel with me
The grief and pain of harlotry.
Her father's name is Diblaim;
He makes fertility with cream
And raisin cakes. He will not see
Her go without a price, for she
Has brought him profits from her trade.
Now go, and let her price be paid;
And bring her back and let her bear
Your son. Call him Jezreel. For there
Is coming soon a day when I
Will strike and break the bloody thigh
Of Jehu's brutal house, and seal
With blood the valley of Jezreel.

And after that, though she's defiled.
Go in, and get another child,
And make your tender face like rock.
Call her Loruahmah and lock
Your heart against all sympathy:
`Not pitied' is her name. No plea
From faithless Israel will wake
My sympathy till I forsake
My daughter in the wilderness.

Now multiply once more distress:
Hosea, go beget a son,
For there is yet one child to shun,
And call him Loammi, in shame,
For `Not My People' is his name."

Hosea used to walk along
The Jordan rim and sing the song
His father Beeri used to sing.
Sometimes the tune and truth would bring
Him peace, and he would pause and look
At all the turns the Jordan took,
To make its way down to the sea,
And he would chant from memory:

Think not, my son, that God's great river
Of love flows simply to the sea,
He aims not straight, but to deliver
The wayward soul like you and me.
Follow the current where it goes,
With love and grace it ever flows.

The years went by, the children grew,
The river bent and Gomer knew
A dozen men. And finally
She left and traveled to the sea,
And sold herself to foreign priests
Who made the children serve at feasts
Until they had no shame.

And then

The God of grace came down again,
And said, "Hosea, go, embrace
Your wife beside the sea. And place
Your hand with blessing on the head
Of Loammi, and raise the dead
Loruhamah to life in me,
And tell Jezreel that I will be
For him a seed of hope to sow
In righteousness. Hosea, go,
The gracious river bends once more."

And so the prophet loved these four
Again, and sought them by the sea,
And bought them with the equity
Of everything he owned.

That was

The memory tonight, because
Hosea loved beyond the way
Of mortal man. What man would say,
"Love grows more strong when it must wait,
And deeper when it's almost hate."

Jezreel spoke softly for the rest,
"Father, once more let us be blessed.
What were the words from long ago
That gave you strength to love us so?
Would you please bless us with your rhyme,
And sing it for us one more time?"

"Think not, my son, that God's great river
Of love flows simply to the sea,
He aims not straight, but to deliver
The wayward soul like you and me.
Follow the current where it goes.
With love and grace it ever flows."

"And children," Gomer said with tears,
"Mark this, the miracle of years."
She looked Hosea in the face
And said, "Hosea, man of grace,
Dark harlotry was in my blood,
Until your love became a flood
Cascading over my crude life
And kept me as your only wife.
I love the very ground you trod,
And most of all I love your God."

This is the lamp of candle four:
A bride made ready at the door.
A shabby slave waits her embrace,
Blood-bought and beautified by grace.


©Desiring God

Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that you do not alter the wording in any way, you do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction, and you do not make more than 1,000 physical copies. For web posting, a link to this document on our website is preferred. Any exceptions to the above must be explicitly approved by Desiring God.

Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: By John Piper. ©Desiring God. Website: www.desiringGod.org. Email: mail@desiringGod.org. Toll Free: 888.346.4700.

Ryder Blog Dude

Hey all...just added another Austrailian Brother to my blog links. He has some very interesting posts, this one was a great read and really made me think:

http://ryderboy.blogspot.com/2005/11/new-kind-of-christian.html

Check his website out. Goodstuff.

I also added another link to this site here: http://leadershipblog.blogspot.com/ Great reading with pastor interviews.

And lastly I added another link to this site here: http://philbaker.net/ A great news article style blog on Christianity today.

Blessings and good reading -Moose

The Best Christmas Light Display Ever...

The Best Christmas Light Display Ever…

You have got to check this out…

http://members.cox.net/transam57/lights.wmv
Wizard in Winter

http://www.msftlabrat.com/funstuff/jingle.wmv  
Jingle Bells


http://www.snopes.com/photos/arts/xmaslights.asp
Snopes Information on the Display

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B0002ZDVGS
Order the Music

http://www.wonderlandchristmas.com/wizardsofwinter.php  
Instructions on How to Do It Yourself

Very Cool! It is amazing what ya can do with some X10 stuff
a computer and a LOT of light bulbs!!!

Blessings! -Moose

Lisa's CBC Article

Cabbie found dead in Thompson
Last Updated Nov 28 2005 09:00 AM CST
CBC News

An autopsy is being performed Monday on the body of a Thompson taxi driver who was found dead inside her cab early Saturday morning.

Police say the death of Mellissa Ivy Chaboyer, 35, is considered "suspicious."

Don Cameron, a dispatcher and driver for North Star Taxi, the company Chaboyer worked for, says he and the other drivers can't believe their colleague is dead.

"Right now we are really in a state of shock, because this sort of thing is really unheard of," he said. "Nothing like this has really happened up here in this community to anybody."

Cameron says the local cab drivers hope to have a meeting with the mayor early this week to discuss cab safety.

A vigil was held Saturday at the Thompson mall, close to the place where Chaboyer's body was found.
    

A Friend has Died...

A Friend has died.

Lisa Chaboyer was a friend of mine who was like a sister to me when I lived in Thompson Manitoba.

She was a cab driver.

On Saturday November 26, 2005 at 1:00 in the morning she picked up a fare who stabbed her to death.

This (these) coward (s) is (are) still on the run, police have not caught anyone yet.

Police say that she put up a fight.

I have seen Lisa fight. She fought like a guy, man could she throw a punch.

I think it had to be someone really strong or more than one person. At any rate this is just semantics right now.

My friend is dead and I do not know if she knew the Lord.

God I pray she did.

I had not seen her in over 15 years, but yet I feel profound guilt at not sharing the Lord with her.

God I wish I did.

I know she had not been on my mind or had I even thought about her for all these years, maybe a couple times when talking with old friends from Thompson.

But I cannot shake a lack of responsibility for sharing Jesus with her.

I pray that God put someone in her path to do that.

Jesus said “I am the Way, the Truth and the Life, No One comes to the Father (God) but by me”  

His words, not mine. According to Jesus all paths do not necessarily lead to heaven.

“For God so loved the world that He sent His only begotten Son that Whosoever shall believe on Him shall be saved” John 3:16

God I hope she made that decision to be saved. I have faith that God gave her every chance to make that decision.

God does not want any one to perish, but if anyone decides not to accept Jesus, God’s only path, they have decided to go to Hell.

He provided a way to heaven. I pray that Lisa chose God.

If she did not choose God, she had then chose Hell by default.

I wish I had led her to Him.

This just makes me more convinced that there is little time in deciding to live for God.

Our next breath is not certain. We could walk out the door today and be hit by a car, whatever.

Where are we going to spend eternity?

This is serious stuff.

If God asked you why should I let you into my heaven what would you say?

Could you answer Him?

“I have lived a good life. I am a good person”

Jesus said “All have sinned and have fallen short of the glory of God”

Again, His words not mine.

So if all have sinned, than being good enough is not good enough.

It is something else.

I am convinced it is WHO you KNOW.

In the book of Revelations, Jesus says, “In those last days they shall say, “Did we not cast out demons in your name? Did we not heal the sick” and I will say to them away from me for I never KNEW you”

Do you KNOW Jesus? Do you have a Relationship with Him? Do you accept what He has done for you by dying for you to pay for your sin enough that you will live for Him and give your life to Him, all control and all your will?

God I hope so.

When God asks why should He let me into His heaven, I will have only one answer.

You shouldn’t.

I have not done anything worthy of being let into heaven on my own deeds.

The only reason I should be let into heaven is because of that man right there, the man with the scars on His hands, on His feet, a wound on His side, and scars on His head.

The man who bled and died for me so that I could have eternal life.

I will know Jesus. I will recognize Him. I know His heart and He knows mine. I have a RELATIONSHIP with Him.

It was not what I have done that grants me to access heaven.

It is what HE has done.

I will say “That man bled and died for me. That man PAID for my life with His.”

“That man owns my life. Not me. Ask Him”

Satan will hiss, he is mine. I claim him. Look at what he has done with his life. Look at his failures, look at how he has sinned in his life. How can you let him into heaven?

God will then ask Jesus if I am His, If this is true.

And I KNOW that Jesus will reply:

“This one is mine. I love Him Father so much I died for him. Yes everything Satan has said is true. Apart from me you should not let him into heaven, however, because he has chosen to love me, to believe in me for his salvation by faith and has chosen to lay his life down for Me and make ME Lord, MY blood has ransomed Him from Satan and he is no longer the property of the enemy. He is under MY grace, and under MY mercy, MY blood has covered all his sins, I know him by name, he is my friend and my brother, joint heirs with ME and his name is written in MY book of life. He is mine for I have Redeemed Him and Satan you have no claim on him!”

I know that God will let me into His kingdom not because of what I have done, but because of what Jesus has done. Jesus conquered death by His resurrection.

Jesus is the only one that is not still in His grave. Mohammed is, Buddha is, Joseph Smith is, every atheist, agnostic, and ungodly is, Einstein, Darwin, and Freud still are too.

Jesus is the resurrection and the life by what He has done. He has conquered death. He has the keys to Death and Hades. Satan is defeated.

I believe this by faith. I have made a decision.

If you haven’t please do before it is too late.

If you have, please tell others before it is too late.

It may have been too late for Lisa. I do not know.

It is not too late for you.

Choose wisely.

Blessings  -Moose

Been a long time...

Been a long time, Been a long time, Been a long lonely, lonely, lonely,- lonely time –Led Zeppelin

Been a while since I blogged. Seems I have been on a dead run all this week.

Been a very interesting week spiritually.

Last Saturday was not my finest hour, I feel I blew it spiritually in a lot of areas.

Seems God gives us just enough rope sometimes to hang ourselves.

He lets us run our own race until we run smack dab into the wall of sin.

Only when our noses are smarting from face planting into the wall of sin that He finally has our attention.

Guess if we are never broken He can never restore us.

Living this cycle of victory-sin-repentance-victory et al gets weary after a while.

Sometimes I just wish God would just fix me up, just for a while and leave me to heal a bit before He calls me to something else.

But I guess that is not what faith is about.

I have done some body building in my life and I know that the first while when you are working out (approx. a month) you feel like a Mack truck ran over you.

You do not see the immediate benefits through the pain.

But if you persevere you do.

Muscles build, energy comes back, a general feeling of well-being and healthiness comes back to you.

But it ain’t fun at first.

Its breaking the old habits, it is getting through the pain to the payoff.

God I sure would love some payoff spiritually. Ok…I have.

Don’t get me wrong. God has taken me places I have never been spiritually and things have fallen off me in areas of my life like I have never seen in my life.

He has been trimming me like a vineyard dresser.

But Oh man that cutting off of the dead stuff hurts.

What I mean is I would like to see other areas of my life spiritually manifested, things I so long for.

A better financial situation, an end to the loneliness and ache of singleness, a generally better attitude about life.

Seems I just work to live, and live to work, to pay bills and try to survive.

Mabey I just need a holiday…I dunno.

Mabey I need some decompression time to refocus on what is important.

Things have happened this week that really have blown me away spiritually.

1. I am angry with my wife for leaving me. Really angry. Really hurt. I did not even know that I was consciously until God pointed it out. Now He is dealing with me on this. He is making me realize I never have fully forgiven her and until I do, it will tear me from the inside out like some bad Aliens movie…I must forgive. I must love her in spite of the pain.

1. I have more people around me and in my life who are also going through this. I am not alone. Other men experience similar things. We are walking this out together and I am not alone. I have other men to lean on and who pray for me as I do for them, men who really care about where and what is going on in my life and speak into my life in a very tangible way. For that I am truly blessed. Truly there are great blessings when men dwell together in unity. I am just realizing how deep those blessings are.

1. This world and the things that are in it are really not as important as I once thought. I attended a funeral of a colleague who has lost his mother. No amount of money, fame, things, is going to bring her back. We must fix our eyes on what is really important in this life, on what will really last.

1. Relationships are the key to Christianity. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength and love your neighbor as yourself. In short, maintain and build relationship with God and then the world. Only through relationships can God’s Kingdom grow.

1. Where two or more are gathered, there I am in the midst of them. God said this and as I have gathered with other people this week God has shown Himself true to His word. Monday night at the Junior Youth meeting, Later Monday night at my brother Scott’s place, Wednesday night at Transformations, Thursday night hanging with my brother Joe and getting to know another brother Ryan, in every case God came down and the fellowship was awesome. The Holy Spirit showed up every time and there were exhortations, correction in love, revelation, prophecy, encouragement, repentance or something else God did. What I am saying is that when God showed up, He always did something that when you left the fellowship to head home that gave you hope that yes, you can go on another day and that yes, you met with God through those meetings.

1. I cannot do this alone. I NEED God. He is not just a want but a hardcore need. I cannot do this thing called life without Him. When I do, I mess it up and end up in more trouble than when I started. I cannot live this life outside God. It is more painful, more trouble, and way less peace than I want or need. I need the peace and joy of God. I cannot live without Him. I must live in obedience to Him or I cannot live at all.

1. I need to spend WAY more time with God than I do. Power and Grace comes from spending time and KNOWING God, not just about Him. Spending time in His Word, building relationship with the Living God is the only way I can become truly living. When I spend time with the world I find I am spending time with death not life. I want to walk in life and peace and joy. This world is promised to pass away. We are not guaranteed our next breath. Through God we literally live and breathe and have our being. I need HIS Grace, God’s Real And Continual Enabling to go through life and become what He wants me to be, not what I think I want to be or think I need to be. I need to be what God needs me to be. Only then can I be truly happy and fulfill my destiny laid down by my Loving, and Sovereign God.

The pain will pass away. This too shall pass. There will be blessings at the end of this all. I will laugh again, I will love again. I will sing again. I must embrace the pain and let it teach me to trust in God. I must not try to avoid it but walk with it, until God removes it from my heart. I must be obedient and walk with His Spirit and let Him lead me where I am to go. God is faithful, He is trustworthy, and He has His very best for us.

Blessings -Moose

(Jer 29:11 NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

(Jer 29:12 NIV) "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you."

(Jer 29:13 NIV) "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

(Jer 29:14 NIV) "I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”

My Virtual Pet - Tigger

adopt your own virtual pet!

Move your Mouse around and see what happens!

A Song for Where I am At...

A Song for Where I am At...

ARTIST: Kansas
COMPOSER: Kerry Livgren
TITLE: Carry On Wayward Son

Lyrics and Chords
{Refrain}

Carry on my wayward son
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry no more

/ Em G D C / Em G D - / 1st / x /

Once I rose above the noise and confusion
Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion
I was soaring ever higher
But I flew too high

/ Em D C D / / Am G F FG / Am G D - /

Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man
Though my mind could think I still was a mad man
I hear the voices when I'm dreaming
I can hear them say

{Refrain}

Masquerading as a man with a reason
My charade is the event of the season
And if I claim to be a wise man, well
It surely means that I don't know

On a stormy sea of moving emotion
Tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean
I set a course for winds of fortune
But I hear the voices say

{Refrain}

No!
Carry on, you will always remember
Carry on, nothing equals the splendor
Now your life's no longer empty
Surely heaven waits for you

/ Em D C - / / Am G F - / Am G D - /
{Refrain}

I listened to this song tonite and really felt that this is exactly where I am at...

I love my church but sometimes cannot understand it. The people I mean.

People have told me how blessed they are at how God is shining through me at this time in my life.

I cannot see it. I see my self as a failure, a loser, who is constantly failing to live up to my God.

I know that in my weakness is His strength, but why does it seem I am always so weak?

I cannot seem to be the man that God wants me to be...

I cannot understand how God can show through such a mess as me.

I love people. I love deeply. I love passionately. I love God.

But I constantly fail to serve Him. It is like I am walking against the wind.

I cry out to God with a voiceless cry, like the cry one makes when screaming in their sleep, only to awaken and realize that the reality is worse than the dream.

I am torn apart. My heart is crushed and seems to pour out pain like a crushed grape pours out wine.

People get tired of hearing pain, but it is all that comes from my heart sometimes.

Sometimes there is Joy and Peace, but mostly there is agony.

Except when I am in the Presence of God. God I feel like Saul, needing music to make the pain, the rejection of God go away.

A soul torn apart. Is that really what you want from me God?

Longing, Loneliness, Pain, the hollowness of empty arms. How can this be your will O Lord?

Yeah, I know the answers from the Bible. I am Bible College trained. I know what the Bible says. I respect the Word of God.

But how does it change the way, the way I feel.

Faith is not based on feelings. It is based on truth.

What happens when the truth of agony seems to overrule the truth of God? What is more real?

My pain? God's Truth? What do I do with what I am experiencing?

It is honestly hard to tell in the midst of agony.

Like Peter not recognizing Jesus on the sea of Galilee, Sometimes, I have a hard time recognizing Jesus on the seas of my life.

Save me Jesus! He reaches out His hand, but sometimes it is not enough.

Everything passes away. Or hopes, our dreams, our possessions. What is truly valuable? Think about that.

Every time we are confronted with death, a funeral of a loved on or friend, what are we really here for?

Our work? friends? To have a bigger house? A better car? Or is is something larger than ourselves?

It has to be. Otherwise we live in vain.

Lovers and Marrieds, love passionately. Don't take your mate for granted. Dear God do not worship them, but love them as your most prized on earth.

Make amends. Don't hold grudges. Life is too short.

Love deeply, live passionately, care endlessly.

You may not have another shot at this life. In fact I guarantee you will not.

Time will move faster the older you will get. It will disappear even as you are looking at it.

Please use it wisely.

You only have this one shot at life. Make it count.

Another Kansas song to thing about.

Love you all. -Moose

ARTIST: Kansas
COMPOSER: Kerry Livgren
TITLE: Dust in the Wind

Lyrics and Chords
[Intro riff: / C Cmaj7 Csus2 C / Asus2 Asus4 Am Asus2 /
/ Csus2 C Cmaj7 Csus2 / Am Asus2 Asus4 Am / ]

I close my eyes
Only for a moment, then the moment's gone
All my dreams
Pass before my eyes, a curiosity
Dust in the wind
All they are is dust in the wind

/ C G Am - / G Dm Am - / 1st / 2nd / / /

Same old song
Just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do
Crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see

Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind, ohh

Now, don't hang on
Nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky
It slips away
And all your money won't another minute buy

Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind
Dust in the wind
Everything is dust in the wind
Everything is dust in the wind

Had an Interesting Week...

Had an Interesting Week…

Have not blogged much this week.

Dunno why.

That is not to say I did not have an interesting week, just that I have not seemed to find time to bang out a blog last few days.

Hmmm Where to Begin…

Monday night, my friend Scott invited my over for supper, he made this awesome road that was marinated in red wine and tomatoes that you could cut with the edge of your fork. Mmmmm! It was good to have a home cooked meal for a change. I don’t get many of those lately.

Seems I am munching on all the wrong stuff, TV dinners, Scottish Dining (McDonalds), or worse.

It was great to eat a meal that was healthy (

Monday night at Scott’s place we have been going through Chuck Missler’s “The Bible in 24 hours” with another friend of mine I went to Bethany Bible Institute (since renamed Bethany College with Glenn, who just had a baby, well technically he didn’t, his wife did, but…yah get the picture (

Tuesday night I worked later and then met an acquaintance from church Bruce for coffee at the Canadian Coffee Icon Tim Hortons and then came home and watched Oscar with Sylvester Stallone. Man I laughed my butt off (ok…figuratively) If you have not watched this movie, put it on your must view list!

Wednesday night I went to Transformations Bible Study with a bunch of people I am really starting to be wowed about. Transformations is a small group Bible Study developed by a guy named Greg Mitchell and it is a powerful study of the nuts and bolts of Christianity. Seems as we are meeting together more and more the Lord is really doing incredible things in our group’s lives. It is simply amazing to see and hear these people open up and literally shine for God. It is so encouraging to know that others walk rough roads, and that you are not the only one who is. The last week or so we have been going through church family and what it means to be in the family of God, how it is like planting your roots down by a stream whereas being outside a church family is likened to being in a parched desert. This is so true.

A lot of my life I have done the lone wolf thing, being part of, but not really JOINING a church. Sure, I have had membership in one church before, but I did not really place my self under the leadership authority of that church and still did my own thing when the rubber met the road. Here I have joined a church, have placed myself under the authority of the church and am allowing the leadership to lead me. Sure, it can be scary sometimes, you are not in control, sometimes admonishment comes instead of praise, but one thing I have noticed, I am growing in and closer to God. I am being encouraged to press on in spite of the mess my life looks like in the natural. I am being loved by people in my church who have the courage to be vulnerable and share their hearts. I am being prayed for and built up. I have come to realize that whatever small offenses that I can sometimes fall into are no match for honest love and forgiveness, and the price of such small things is trivial in the light of fellowship with God’s people.

Wow…where did that bunny trail come from eh? I start sharing my week and well…that is ok…who I am becoming is much more important than what I did this week (

Thursday…hmm…went to a StarPhoenix Christmas thing with food etc. at the Mendel Art Gallery. We advertise at work quite a bit with this company so every year they put on this event as a kind of thank-you to the Realtors that have advertised with them.

After that, I went to church as I am a Junior Youth Leader. It was great hangin’ with our kids, sharing the story of Joshua and Jericho, playing Israelites and Philistines, and snacking on cookies. Just the hang time with these kids is so cool, seeing them go from these Mexican jumping beans to when they settle down, spiritually hungry kids. It is so cool to see them changing before your eyes, really GETTING it, about what God is about, and seeing them grow in God. God has really given me a love for these little guys and I am so blessed every time we get together to see what God is going to do next! To see God’s kingdom being built in these kids is so awesome. To be able to minister and hang with my buddy Dale is just the icing on the cake, youth leadership in our church is in good hands.

Friday night I went to Concerts of the Heart, a coffee house style worship night for the people of our church to share their hearts through the arts. I was so blessed to be able to go and hear people sing, see people dance, and hear the hearts of people in a way I have never seen them before. Very cool. I got to hear Lighthouseforever sing, who by the way is in my Transformations group (brag brag, what a heart for God!) and really blew me away with her song to God (Unbelievable song Chelsea! Ya did good!), Nin and her sister Carebear worship powerfully in dance (The Holy Spirit showed up guys! Incredible Worship! God is so proud of you guys!) Nin and my brother Christopher are also in my Transformations group (brag brag, you guys are such blessings!), Nin also did a song with 2 other ladies about family in the church, wow, what an incredible song! I was so blown away by how these guys are moving in their giftings, seeing people in my church stepping out in faith on to the water, wow, I and a lot of others in the church are like, standing on side of the race course going GO, GO, GO! It is so awesome and so encouraging to see people walking on the water, ya just want to cheer them on! I also got to spend some awesome time with a few of my brothers in the Lord that have a really special place in my heart the Dales (, Corey, Kevin, Jeremy, and one of my best friends Firestarter. Man it was good to see you bro! Firestarter and CWG are two brothers that have walked a lot of stuff with me and I am truly blessed to have you two brothers in my life.

I realize that though I may not be the most wealthy person financially, or may not drive the most nicest of cars, or live in the best area of the city, I am rich. I am rich in friends who love God passionately and wholeheartedly. I am rich in that I have a pastor whose heart is to see his church fall passionately in love with Jesus and be transformed by God. I am rich because I have a church board that shares this same vision. I may not have a lot of money but I am rich because I am loved. First by God, and then by friends, brothers, and sisters. I would not trade the wealth of the world for the least of any of these. I have a family called the church who loves me in spite of myself, and am blessed with a flesh and blood family who all know Jesus and who stand by and encourage me.

God has made me truly rich in the things that matter. I am so thankful.

El Shaddai, Adonai, Lord Jehovah, Elohym, Yahweh, El Elyon, El Olam, Fairest of Ten Thousand, Lily of the Valley, El Berith, El Roi, Everlasting to Everlasting, Alpha and Omega, Beginning and the End, The Word, The Spring, Mighty Counselor, Prince of Peace, Everlasting Father, Almighty God, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Might Shepherd, The Lion, The Lamb, The King Eternal, the Only Wise God, I Am that I Am.

(Rev 5:1-14 NIV) 1 "Then I saw in the right hand of him who sat on the throne a scroll with writing on both sides and sealed with seven seals." 2 "And I saw a mighty angel proclaiming in a loud voice, "Who is worthy to break the seals and open the scroll?" 3 " But no one in heaven or on earth or under the earth could open the scroll or even look inside it." 4 "I wept and wept because no one was found who was worthy to open the scroll or look inside." 5 "Then one of the elders said to me, "Do not weep! See, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has triumphed. He is able to open the scroll and its seven seals." 6 "Then I saw a Lamb, looking as if it had been slain, standing in the center of the throne, encircled by the four living creatures and the elders. He had seven horns and seven eyes, which are the seven spirits of God sent out into all the earth." 7 "He came and took the scroll from the right hand of him who sat on the throne." 8 "And when he had taken it, the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb. Each one had a harp and they were holding golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of the saints." 9 "And they sang a new song: "You are worthy to take the scroll and to open its seals, because you were slain, and with your blood you purchased men for God from every tribe and language and people and nation." 10 "You have made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve our God, and they will reign on the earth." 11 "Then I looked and heard the voice of many angels, numbering thousands upon thousands, and ten thousand times ten thousand. They encircled the throne and the living creatures and the elders." 12 “In a loud voice they sang: "Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and praise!" 13 "Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them, singing: "To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be praise and honor and glory and power, for ever and ever!" 14 "The four living creatures said, "Amen," and the elders fell down and worshiped."

What a weekend

What a weekend

Had an interesting weekend.

Friday was Remembrance Day.

I got to sleep in and took in the Act of Remembrance on TV.

I am always humbled by how costly my freedom was to redeem.

As I see the veterans walking by, and the tears as they remember fallen friends and allies, I am reminded how costly that freedom was.

Men and Women died so that we could be free.

Just let that sink in for a second.

Or as I did for a few minutes on Friday.

Call me a Patriot, but I am proud to be a Canadian and every chance I get, I thank our vets for what they did for me.

I saw an interesting bumper sticker one day...

If you can read this, thank a teacher, if it is in English, thank a Soldier.

We could of all been speaking German if our Vets did not go to war, German Subs were in the St. Lawrence seaway during the second world war. They were that close.

I am reminded of a poem that is displayed at the Canada Remembers Air Show every year:

It Is the Soldier
by Father Dennis Edward O'Brien United States Marine Corps

It is the Soldier, not the reporter
Who has given us freedom of the press.

It is the Soldier, not the poet,
Who has given us freedom of speech.

It is the Soldier, not the campus organizer,
Who has given us the freedom to demonstrate.

It is the Soldier, not the lawyer,
Who has given us the right to a fair trial.

It is the Soldier, who salutes the flag,
Who serves beneath the flag,
And whose coffin is draped by the flag,
Who allows the protestor to burn the flag.

Mabey I do not fit into the typical pacifistic Mennonite Brethern conscientious objector mold here, but then again, my entire church does not quite fit the typical Mennonite Brethern mold.

I do believe that some things are worth fighting for. Freedom is one of them.

I always get choked up when I participate in an act of remembrance. I think of the men and women who died, the families left to mourn, friends left on the battlefield, and the price at which our freedom was bought.

I hope I never forget.

One of my Great Grandfathers (Filby) served in the first world war and was decorated by King George for an act of bravery in India, one of my Grandfathers served in the second world war in the Canadian Military (Shore) in England and married my grandmother who became a war bride, and my other Grandfather (Funkner) served in the German army and saw his best friend sawed in half by machine gun fire when fighting the Russians.

It is interesting that I have a British heritage and a German heritage. I grew up being babysat by my Grandmother, (my first word was G-air-age or Garage used to drive my mom nuts!) but later spent a lot of time with my Grandfather where I learned a little German.

So I grew up as a British German...

My grandmother used to tell me stories how when my great grandfather was fighting on Christmas day, how both armies laid down their weapons and came out of their trenches and exchanged cigarettes and alcohol and sang Christmas carols, the next day they were shooting one another again.

Under any other circumstances but war, they could of very well of been friends he said.

Amazing.

Friday afternoon I spent with a friend working on the Tangosierra.ca website...

Friday nite into Saturday morning :) I spent with my brother Chuck watching a movie and hanging out...and a longtime friend Amanda showed up in Toon Town. What a blessing it was to see her and Julienne.

Saturday I slept in again :)

Got a few things done, and Saturday night I went to House of Worship (their blog is houseofworship.blogspot.com) to soak in God's presence. What an amazing night.

God showed up and I just worshipped full tilt for a couple hours.

Man I needed that so much.

Thanks Jayson and Teegan and the band, God really moved through you guys. Great seeing you out Amanda and Julienne :) You guys followin' me around or something? LOL! You guys are such blessings!

Sunday it was off to church where I got to see some really cool people in my church get baptized, and I got to hang with my crew of Junior Youth and share about the Disciple Simon Peter, I am always blessed hanging out with our Youth in our church.

Oh yah...my buddy Dale turned 40! Man he don't look a day over 50 LOL! Actually ya wouldn't even know he was 40...he's got the heart and energy of a 20 year old. Dale is our youth pastor in our church, my immediate superior for youth, and an awesome friend of mine, with a passion and heart for youth that is incredible.

After church I went over to a Saskatchewan Roughriders party at Jonathan's place. My buddy Scott was there as were a lot of guys from my church. It was a blast. Unfortunately the Riders lost. That's it, that is all...they are outta the game for the rest of the season now...

Watched the Stampeders v.s. Eskimos game...that was an awesome game. Eskimos won. That was pretty cool.

All in all it was a pretty cool weekend, got rest, got relaxation, and had fun and fellowship.

Can't wait to see what is happening this week...

Bless Yas all! -Moose

Oh yah...found another friend who has started blogging now! Check her blog out and encourage her! She is an awesome writer and she has some very cool insights on her blog.

Here is her site: http://www.walking-again.blogspot.com/ I also added her to my Sisters in God menu on the right if you want to check her site out.

Ryno Blog Dude

This Aussie dude posted a comment on my blog and man I was blown away by his blog. I just wanted to share these with you all. Check his blog out. Ya know I don't normally do this but these are must reads. I didn't get his permission to link to these, so --->Ryno, if this ain't cool lemme know.<---Your blog is a real blessing man.

Here is his website: http://rynospace.blogspot.com

http://rynospace.blogspot.com/2005/10/blame-or-gain.html

http://rynospace.blogspot.com/2005/09/as-big-as.html

Bless Yas -Moose

Last Weekend

Last Weekend

Thought I would drop an update on what happened last weekend.

I had asked a lot of you personally and in my blog all to pray.

Thank you for all that did pray for me.

I went up to Wakaw Lake to seek God on His direction in my life and just get alone with Him.

One non-spiritual thing I wanted to do was to Listen to the Saskatchewan Roughriders game on the radio against BC...which they won! What a game...

But I digress...

Actually this is the type of stuff God wanted to speak to my heart about.

Losing focus.

Even though a lot of Roughrider fans would say that watching our team win is a spiritual experience it was not the reason for my weekend.

I sought God and He met me.

I brought up a loaner guitar and my Bible and set out to find God's will.

I was looking for something profoundly miraculous.

God brought me back to the basics.

I was looking for a solution and miraculous end for my problems.

God brought me the grace to perservere though my problems.

And God bonked me on the head.

With His Bible.

Didn't you know that God was a Bible Thumper didya?

After worshipping Him during the weekend I was drawn to read through the book of Phillipians while I was out there.

This is what I have learned.

(Phil 1:19-24 NIV) 19 "for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance." 20 "I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death." 21 "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." 22 "If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know!" 23 "I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far;" 24 "but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body."

God has a purpose for my life. I see part of the scope of this, but there is so much more. I do desire to be with God but know in my heart that He is not done with me on this earth.

(Phil 2:5-11 NIV) "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:" 6 "Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped," 7 "but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness." 8 "And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death-- even death on a cross!" 9 "Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name,"
10 "that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth," 11 "and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."

(Insert WOW here.)

Servanthood, our Saviour, humbling Himself to death on a cross and glorification for endurance and perserverence and Obedience. Yowch. Obedience. Gotta stick in my boots whatever what.

(Phil 3:7-11 NIV) "But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ." 8 "What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ" 9 "and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ--the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith." 10 "I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death," 11 "and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead."

Knowing Christ is Key. Faith in Christ is Key. Fellowship of sharing His sufferings is Key. Owch. Did I mention I don't do suffer well?

And the Doozie (as if the ones above were not)

(Phil 4:4-9 NIV) "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" 5 "Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near." 6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." 7 "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." 8 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." 9 "Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."

Rejoice. So important I am gonna say it again. Rejoice! Be gentle. DO NOT WORRY! Man that is a tough one. Pray and Petition with thanksgiving. And THEN the peace will guard my heart and mind. Not the other way 'round. That alone is a brain rattler. Then the focus verse. Think about the good things of God. Not how I am going to pay my bills, not how I am going to get though another day, but on God. Then just to nail the point home PUT IT INTO PRACTICE. It just ain't thinking about it here. Its doing.

As I think it was Snagglepuss in the old Hanna Barbera cartoons that used to say about Thinking:

"I'll do the Thinnin' Round here!"

I got to let God do the "Thinnin'" in my life.

I gotta be obedient and actually Trust that He has the best for me no matter what. Back to the whole faith issue. Do I actually have the faith to believe He has the best for me? Somedays I think so. Some days I know not.

So what happened this weekend? God admonished me, drew me close, let me weep, and get up off the ground...again. I met with God and He met with me.

It really does not matter that I fall. I will fall. It is the direction I am looking when I get up.

No instant miracles here. No fantastic lights or journey's to the 6th heaven. Just allowing God to get me back to basics in His amazing grace to accomplish all He has set out for me to do.

God's Real And Continual Enablement. Thats GRACE. And that really is amazing.

Blessings -Moose

House of Worship

For all those Spiritual Soakers out there :)

An awesome time to hook up with God.

House of Worship is a night of worship that was created out of a hunger to know God more and encounter Him with other people who desire His presence with like passion.

This monthly gathering takes place at 7pm on the 2nd Saturday of every month at Victory Church (830 Idywyld Dr. N)

Upcoming gatherings: November 12, 2005, December 10 ,2005, January 14, 2006

Here is their url: http://houseofworship.blogspot.com/

Blessings -Moose

Steeping

Steeping

I am feel like I am doing that right now in my life.

What a good picture.

I am the water, God is the teabag. (ok…just for this analogy…)

I am physically and fundamentally being changed by heat (trials) and God’s Essence transforming me from one thing to another.

God is inside of me, changing me, transforming me.

And it ain’t pretty some days.

This weekend I go to steep in God’s presence.

A friend of mine has graciously offered to let me stay up at his cabin for the weekend.

A guitar, a bible, and God.

To be still and know that I am God.

A time for me to listen and respond, and sort out a few things.

Do I have questions? Boy do I ever, but I am trusting He has the answers.

I really want God to change my heart. I love intimacy with God. It is so refreshing.

I just don’t like the pain that happens sometimes.

But, just like a doctor has to cause pain to remove a cancer, God sometimes has to cause pain to heal us.

But when the cancer is gone, oh what relief, joy, peace, and knowledge that you are right where God wants you.

“All things work to the Good for those who love God”

Some of those things that happen are not necessarily good, but in the end, they will be.

I am reminded of the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.

The children thought that it would be grand to run and play with Aslan.

One of the children asked Mrs. Beaver if Aslan was safe.

Oh no she replied. Aslan is not safe. He is the King of the whole wood.

…But He is Good.

I will go through the pain to experience that.

I believe that while embracing Jesus, God my Father and the Holy Spirit is not necessarily safe to my flesh…

…it will be good, and it will be healing.

Please pray for me.

Thanks and Blessings,
Moose

Steep

Steep

yourself in the presence of the Holy Spirit

Steep

yourself in fellowship with good friends - and new friends

Steep

yourself in some steeped beverages and goodies

It’s Steeped Worship, on this Friday, November 4, 2005

At 7:30 pm for all Young Adults
Hope Fellowship Church
809 32nd St. Saskatoon, SK

Walking as a Christian Separated Man

Walking as a Christian Separated Man.

It is more complicated and harder than I had ever imagined.

I got an email from the person I am still married to.

I hesitate to call her my wife as she has joined herself to another man.

I am presently "married" to a woman but hesitate to say I am in a marriage since a marriage seems to imply that both parties in said marriage are still together.

I unhappily am not.

My party of the first part has chosen to take the last name of her lover as her own and she is presently in an adulterous relationship with him. She has been with this person for the last 7 months.

Which leaves me (to quote my counselor) in a very unfortunate situation.

Turns out she cannot apply for legal aid for at least a year as she has just moved out to Calgary with her lover a couple months or so ago. So divorce is not an option for her. At least not for a year.

She wants me to file for divorce. Yippee! I will get right on that! NOT.

As a Christian I cannot file for a divorce in good conscience. I neither want to be the instigator of the divorce, nor wish to pay for it as it was not my idea for her to run away with another man.

Two camps of thought from friends of mine:

The Biblical law states in the very words of Jesus that I can divorce said wife for adultery. I could do that and this would be all over. I could not live with myself for doing that, but I could divorce her for adultery.

That would be living by the law.

Mercy and Grace (and the Holy Spirit) tell me to leave the door open for said wife to repent and come back. If she does not come back and divorces me, then I have done all I can to stay married. The old college try as it were.

That is living in the path of love and forgiveness. Or is it?

Herein lies the problem. I am not really sure I want her back.

I am not sure if I could forgive her.

If God said so, yes, I guess I would have to be obedient and believe that He has the best for me and would enable me with the forgiveness I would need towards her.

But in my heart It seems so impossible to trust someone who has thrown away 15 years of marriage for an adulterous relationship.

My "wife" may be legally still married to me, but in her heart she has married herself to another. She just has not done this in the sight of a congregation or the legal system.

If my "wife" repented and returned. in the back of my mind I would always be wondering when, not if, she would do this to me again.

So here I live in limbo land. Neither able to go on with my life in a new romatic relationship, nor end the old one.

Would not be so bad but alas, I do not do alone well.

I miss being in the arms of a woman, and the prospect of living like this for the next year (minimum) fills me with despair and agony.

Some people can rejoice in singleness, the freedom and the liberty to do any and all the things they want without being accountable, to do what they please without consulting anyone, to go anywhere without question.

And all these things are good and well.

For them.

However, after sharing your life with someone, you experience what that intimacy felt like and you long to have that back.

As God said about Adam, It is not good for man to be alone.

Being alone with no one for company but an invisible God, a furball of a cat, and a hyperactive dog is a lonely existance at best.

My arms ache to hold someone but I cannot for fear of becoming an legal adulterer myself.

I wonder if Adam and Eve had this problem, or their immediate descendents?

I mean, there was no Justice of the Peace to legally marry them, no state sanctioned legal pastors.

How did they marry / divorce back then? The Priests and Elders married and sanctioned divorce.

I am wondering if marriage and divorce is the soley the domain of the heart, not the legal system.

I believe that Marriages, like baptism are an outward expression, in and to one's Christian community of an inner change to love one person to the exclusion of all others. A very oath before God to carry that out, and the onus of the community the couple is in to see that oath fulfilled by any help possible.

Anyone else uncomfortable with the thought that you have to go get a marriage "licence" to get married? Did anyone get permission from God to (a.) Allow the state to make money off of HIS institution? (b.) license something HE ordained? (c.) Pervert something that HE called holy?

We have just seen the legal institution of marriage now be redefined as marriage hetersexual and homosexual. It will not be long before intergenerational marriages are allowed as are already before the system. What is next? Japan is marrying animals, is beastiality the next rung on the ladder? How about brothers and sisters? Where is it going to end?

If we go to the beginning, to Adam and Eve, I think Marriages and Divorces are church and heart things, not court and legal things. The court and legal things were an afterthought.

I am reminded of the Scottish in the middle ages having secret non-legal marriages in the woods so that the english lords could not know that they were wed and not take their wives to bed to breed the "Scottish out of the Scots." These marriages were totally spiritual and non legal. the Scots revolted against Legal marriage on the basis that it was no longer Godly and led to the rape of their new wives and ultimately the destruction of their marriages.

I wonder if we are getting to the same place in our legal system.

Today the legal system classes common law marriage and legal marriage as the two ways to have a legal relationship in this country.

But has anyone noticed how similar the two classes and the rights they provide are looking?

So what is the difference? Society and the church says one group is married, the other is not.

But what does God say?

With Adam and Eve and their immediate descendents, I cannot see people waiting for their divorce to clear the justice system before they started another marriage, as there was no justice system back then.

A group of elders / priests sanctioned a marriage or divorce in a community based on God's law.

Read the story of Ruth and Boaz. Read how marriage and divorces were dealt with in Leviticus.

If pastors and elders can marry, why cannot they divorce? Has anyone other than me wondered about this?

Proof of a broken relationship, that one person or the other has forsaken the marriage covenant should be all that is needed for a divorce.

Division of assets should be a civil matter.

We wonder at the ability of the old testament Jews who all they had to do is say I divorce you three times and were divorced, legally and spiritually.

But today, it seems that you are still married legally and still bound to be, even if under God that covenant has been broken, until it is legally dealt with. This leaves you not quite married, and not quite divorced.

We have a multitude of people in our society that are married divorcees feeling like the walking dead. Not quite free, but still in bondage.

Who have no closure. The direct result of legal marriage.

The only people who have closure are the people who have lost their spouses to death.

At least they can go on in life.

Which makes me really think.

With legal marriage becoming more twisted and perverse as far as the law, homosexual marriages, marriage contracts with get out of jail free cards written into them...

What is more close to the real marriage God intends?

Is it a legal thing? Or a heart thing? A lot of churches would say both. I disagree.

I am reminded of the Anabaptists.

Until the Anabaptists, you were not legally baptized until you were baptized by the state as an infant.

Didn't matter if you were baptized by a pastor and in your heart you confessed Jesus as Lord and then were baptized as per the Bible.

You had to be legally baptized by the state before you could be officially baptized "by God" emphasis mine.

And in the end all the state was looking to do is keep a census through baptism so that they could keep track of their tax base. The state did not care if baptism was of God or not, as long as the tax roll was continuing to be accounted for.

So people namely pastors, deacons, elders, baptized people in secret with non legal baptisms. Under God.

I wonder if we have reached the same place in legal marriage.

Why do we have legal marriages?

So we can legally apply for benefits? So we can be legally represented as a couple?

So what makes that different than what the homosexuals want? Do we honestly believe they want the stamp of God on their relationships? No. Most of them hate God. They just want to be recognized as a couple in society, under the law, so that they can get the same benefits heterosexuals do. It is all about rights, greed and self-centeredness, not God centeredness.

I am beginning to believe that Canadian legal marriage has nothing to do with God, and what he wants.

We see in our Bibles obey the law of the land, except when to do so contradicts the word of the Lord. Does homosexual legal marriage not contradict the word of the Lord?

What is the "institution" of marriage?

Is it leaving mother and father and cleaving to one another as the Bible states?

Or is it some twisted legal thing?

I would love to hear a sermon from the pulpit on legal marriage and the defense thereof.

Every sermon I have heard on marriage uses the definitions and biblical references of the Bible. I have yet to hear in my humble 15 years of Christianity a sermon on legal marriage. Why?

Just something to think about.

How does this affect me?

It seems to avoid living under the law regarding my attitude towards my married other, I am living under the law regarding my own life and happiness.

On one hand I feel so very ready for another relationship, but on the other hand so not.

When I spend time with the opposite sex, and especially those I find myself attracted to, I feel the agony of my loneliness subside in their presence, but the fear of drawing too close slams into me like a wall and in fumbly awkwardness I short circuit conversations with people I could see myself having a meaningful relationship with.

As an introvert I have just beaten myself further into my shell. Again.

I actually have to fight myself to get out into public to talk to people so I don't become some derange miser type hermit with 78 cats who smells bad and yells at people all the time as the voices only talk to HIM!

Ok., ok, not quite that bad. But you get the picture.

Then there is the whole issue of what if my divorce did go through.

This is going to sound bad but...a divorce would feel like I won the lottery to get on with my life.

Then there are all the new Christan rules...

Before I got saved, I could just find someone interesting at the local pub, get drunk with them, yadda, yadda, and hopefully end up in a long term relationship.

Now there are threats like AIDS so now that type of dating is like playing Russian Roulette. Not even an option.

Now I must find someone who is a Christian, and who hopefully does not have AIDS or some other death disease.

The Bible says that the person I find must be a Christian so that I am not unequally yoked with an unbeliever.

Not quite sure what egg yolkes have to do with any thing but I digress...

So that means that the Christian dating rules are different. And I have no idea what the new rules are.

See, I thought I would be with my wife forever.

Not so said life. Or at least at this point of my life.

So as a Christian it is no sex before marriage, try to figure out if someone is interesting enough to spend the rest of your life with and get to know people enough to take the plunge and express your feelings to them, further vulnerablizing yourself.

That is all I know at this point.

Did I mention I was an introvert?

Guess that is why people say that God puts those type of relationships together.

Right now it seems like it would take a miracle for me to be in another intimate relationship with a woman.

I guess what Miracle Max said from the Princess Bride is true.

"Don't rush me, sonny. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles. You got money?"

Seems God has me in the waiting room of life wanting me to figure something out.

To quote another character from the Princess Bride Inigo Montoya, "I hate wait"

So here I am going to a Marriage Tuneup seminar at my church under the unction of my pastor, and accountability friends, and God.

I don't wanna go! (Sounds like a 6 year old eh?)

But for some twisted reason unbeknownst to me, the Holy Spirit put this on my heart to attend.

And if I want peace I must, in obedience go.

So I am going.

Pray for me.

I still got a LOT to learn.

Blessings. -Moose